I always thought that it would be fun to date a guy in a band. It seemed like it would be exciting, but I wish someone would have warned me about the wannabe band guys.
I met this guy when I was living in Shawnee who thought he was a musician, and he desperately wanted to be in a band. The problem was he really just wasn't talented. He was really into the electronic type music and scream-o stuff. Not good. Of course, at the time I wasn't going to tell him that, he was cute and I liked him.
When I first started hanging out with him I thought the fact that he was living in a warehouse with a bunch of guys was kind of cool. He was hardcore, trying to make it on his own, living for his music, you know all of those things. Looking back though it was just kind of disgusting, he shared two small rooms with another guy and neither one of them had a bed. They had a mini-fridge and a microwave, and that was their kitchen. The rest of their space was taken up with music stuff. For some reason I didn't go running the other way when I saw this for the first time, I guess I just thought he was that cute.
It didn't take long for his cuteness to wear off though. Since he was a punk kid he didn't feel the need to bathe regularly, or brush his teeth. Now since we were in Oklahoma, and we were nearing the beginning of the summer this was kind of an issue. He also worked at a greasy hamburger stand. It got to the point where we would have fights over whether or not he had brushed his teeth, and I had to make deals with him so that he would brush his teeth. The brushing of the teeth was more of a problem than the showering, he would shower every couple of days (although daily would have been better) but wouldn't brush his teeth for a week or more.
Now the question everyone should be asking is "why did you continue to see a guy who didn't brush his teeth?" There is no good answer to that. Perhaps the only defense I have is that I was in Shawnee. If you've ever been to Shawnee you'll understand that the fact he had teeth made him better than most of the guys who live there.
Anyway, I should have known better than to get involved with a dirty punk kid, he ended up using me for rides and food, and occasionally a place to sleep. For a while I thought he was incredibly cool. He even had a radio show at the Christian radio station in OKC.
Then he just kind of dissapeared. I didn't see him or hear from him for a few weeks (and of course being a dirty punk kid he didn't have a phone), I didn't have any idea what was going on. Then I ran into one of his friends, and he told me that he had started seeing another girl. A girl who just happened to be 14. Awesome.
I got ditched for a 14 year old.
The best part about this whole story though is the fact that he showed up at our apartment about a month or so later with a note. It was a note telling me how sorry he was and he hoped that I didn't hate him and he hoped that my friends didn't hate him. Then he put his number on the bottom and asked me to call him.
I didn't call and my friends did hate him.
I put the note in my scrapbook.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
learning to swim
A long time ago I decided I wanted to write a book. I wanted to write about growing up as a pastor's kid and how my childhood was good, but I experienced things most people would never see. Obviously, I never wrote the book, but all the stories are still there. I think at the time I first started thinking about writing I wasn't ready to tell my story. I still don't know if I'm ready to tell it. The problem is I don't have an ending. I'm still in the midst of my story.
A few years ago I came up with a name for my book. "Learning to Swim". It comes from an Ani Difranco song called "Swim".
I was floating above myself
Watching her do just what you wanted
Poor little friendly ghost
Wondering why her whole house feels haunted
I told myself I was strong enuf
That I had plenty of blood to give
And each elbow cradled a needle
But listless and faint ain't no way to live
So I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Til I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim
I remember hearing the song shortly after the most devastating experience of my life I don't know if I had heard it before that time or not, but this time something clicked. I was the one who needed to learn how to swim.
I don't know how to explain why this particular experience was so devasting to me other than to say I felt like I had been attacked from all sides. People who were supposed to be my friends, people who said they really cared about me turned on me. For what felt like no reason at all. Quite literally we spent time together on Friday and by Sunday they wanted nothing to do with me. Talk about a blow to the ego. Eventually, I heard some of the reasoning behind this whole ordeal, it didn't help. I always think that if I just know why people do what they do it will be better but it's not. Knowing that they didn't feel there was anything of value about me stung. It's hard to recover when everything about you as a person has been attacked and it wasn't attacked by someone you didn't know. I was attacked by people who knew me well. People that I had a lot of respect for, that I looked up to and I didn't know how to react.
I didn't know what to do so I just cried a lot and didn't leave my house. In fact I was so insecure about who I was that I didn't really leave my house for almost a year. It literally took me almost a year to get to the point where I felt like I could be around people again. Now don't get me wrong I did have a few friends that were with me through this whole thing, but the idea of being around anyone new terrified me.
It was during this time that I realized I needed to learn how to swim. I had dealt with things like this before but never to this extent. To continue with the swimming analogy, everytime something like this had happened I was still in the shallow end of the pool with floaties on. This time I had been thrown off the diving board into the deep end of the pool. It was sink or swim. I chose swim.
As I said before I'm still in the midst of my story and I'm still learning to swim. Sometimes I can only manage to doggie paddle, but one of these days I'll master the backstroke.
A few years ago I came up with a name for my book. "Learning to Swim". It comes from an Ani Difranco song called "Swim".
I was floating above myself
Watching her do just what you wanted
Poor little friendly ghost
Wondering why her whole house feels haunted
I told myself I was strong enuf
That I had plenty of blood to give
And each elbow cradled a needle
But listless and faint ain't no way to live
So I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Til I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim
I remember hearing the song shortly after the most devastating experience of my life I don't know if I had heard it before that time or not, but this time something clicked. I was the one who needed to learn how to swim.
I don't know how to explain why this particular experience was so devasting to me other than to say I felt like I had been attacked from all sides. People who were supposed to be my friends, people who said they really cared about me turned on me. For what felt like no reason at all. Quite literally we spent time together on Friday and by Sunday they wanted nothing to do with me. Talk about a blow to the ego. Eventually, I heard some of the reasoning behind this whole ordeal, it didn't help. I always think that if I just know why people do what they do it will be better but it's not. Knowing that they didn't feel there was anything of value about me stung. It's hard to recover when everything about you as a person has been attacked and it wasn't attacked by someone you didn't know. I was attacked by people who knew me well. People that I had a lot of respect for, that I looked up to and I didn't know how to react.
I didn't know what to do so I just cried a lot and didn't leave my house. In fact I was so insecure about who I was that I didn't really leave my house for almost a year. It literally took me almost a year to get to the point where I felt like I could be around people again. Now don't get me wrong I did have a few friends that were with me through this whole thing, but the idea of being around anyone new terrified me.
It was during this time that I realized I needed to learn how to swim. I had dealt with things like this before but never to this extent. To continue with the swimming analogy, everytime something like this had happened I was still in the shallow end of the pool with floaties on. This time I had been thrown off the diving board into the deep end of the pool. It was sink or swim. I chose swim.
As I said before I'm still in the midst of my story and I'm still learning to swim. Sometimes I can only manage to doggie paddle, but one of these days I'll master the backstroke.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
On being 27...
Two of my close friends are celebrating their birthday's this weekend and both have them are having a hard time with the fact that they're growing older. One commented that if someone had asked her 10 years ago where she thought she would be at 27 she never would have thought this is where she would be. She said when she was younger she always thought that at 27 she would be married to a fantastic guy, have a house, a good job, and maybe a kid. Instead she's single, living alone, no kids, she does have a pretty good job though.
The funny thing is, I feel the same way. I always thought that by 27 I would be someone. I would be married, maybe with kids, and have everything figured out. Instead, I'm single, no kids, and I am far from having it figured out. I sometimes wonder how I ended up this way. I started out with so many dreams, a list of things that I was going to accomplish, and I just knew that I was going to make a difference in the world. Instead I find myself selling shoes for a living, trying to find a "real" job, not really knowing what I want to do with my life, and wasting my time on a lot of guys who end up being really boring, and sometimes truly awful. How did it happen? I suppose I could go through and pinpoint all the mistakes that I've made over the years, but how tedious and self-depricating.
I watched part of 'Titanic' yesterday and I was remembering how I felt the first time I saw it. I felt like that kind of love was possible, and not only was it possible, it was going to happen to me. I was going to fall in love with someone and it was going to be this magical, wonderful experience. I felt like I would one day be able to write my own love story that would rival that of Rose and Jack (obviously minus the whole dying in the middle of the ocean part). I was 14.
At 27 I watch 'Titanic' and while I do still love the boat, I hate the love story. I wonder if a love story is possible and I certainly no longer think that my life will have a love story like that. It's easy to be a hopeless romantic at 14, at 27 it just starts to feel hopeless.
It's hard to find someone that I can spend more than one evening with. I struggle to get past the first date. Actually, it's hard to find someone that is worth a first date. Then if I do find someone that I do enjoy spending time with something happens and it all goes to hell.
I did hear the other day that 27 is the average age at which a girl gets married these days. I have always wanted to be above average.
The funny thing is, I feel the same way. I always thought that by 27 I would be someone. I would be married, maybe with kids, and have everything figured out. Instead, I'm single, no kids, and I am far from having it figured out. I sometimes wonder how I ended up this way. I started out with so many dreams, a list of things that I was going to accomplish, and I just knew that I was going to make a difference in the world. Instead I find myself selling shoes for a living, trying to find a "real" job, not really knowing what I want to do with my life, and wasting my time on a lot of guys who end up being really boring, and sometimes truly awful. How did it happen? I suppose I could go through and pinpoint all the mistakes that I've made over the years, but how tedious and self-depricating.
I watched part of 'Titanic' yesterday and I was remembering how I felt the first time I saw it. I felt like that kind of love was possible, and not only was it possible, it was going to happen to me. I was going to fall in love with someone and it was going to be this magical, wonderful experience. I felt like I would one day be able to write my own love story that would rival that of Rose and Jack (obviously minus the whole dying in the middle of the ocean part). I was 14.
At 27 I watch 'Titanic' and while I do still love the boat, I hate the love story. I wonder if a love story is possible and I certainly no longer think that my life will have a love story like that. It's easy to be a hopeless romantic at 14, at 27 it just starts to feel hopeless.
It's hard to find someone that I can spend more than one evening with. I struggle to get past the first date. Actually, it's hard to find someone that is worth a first date. Then if I do find someone that I do enjoy spending time with something happens and it all goes to hell.
I did hear the other day that 27 is the average age at which a girl gets married these days. I have always wanted to be above average.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
bad date archives.
I haven't had a very interesting week so I thought it would be a good idea to dig into the bad date archives and post about the worst date ever. Seriously. Worst. Date. Ever.
I was going to school in Oklahoma, and met this guy at a party. He seemed like an ok guy and I figured since he had been invited to the party that he couldn't be too bad. I figured if he was actually crazy my friends wouldn't have invited him. We chatted at the party and as we were leaving he asked for my number and said he wanted to take me out sometime.
He called a few days later to ask if he could take me out. Of course by this time I had discussed all the pros and cons of this guy and decided that I really wasn't interested. You know what they say about following your instincts? It's true. However, I have a friend who was convinced that I didn't give people enough of a chance and that I needed to get out more. She talked me into going on a date with this guy. For the life of me I can't remember his name, but he definetely left an impression on me.
He wanted to take me to the lake and I agreed. He came to pick me up in his truck. A big nasty green truck. I should have known to just stayed home when he said that he used to have a woman but he had to dump her because she didn't like his truck and no woman was going to come between him and his truck.
On our way out to the lake he decided to smoke a Swisher Sweet, he took a few puffs off his cigar, and then put it out to save it for later. I should have told him to turn around right then, anyone who is going to save a Swisher Sweet is not a quality catch, that and the fact that his truck that he was in love with had holes in the floorboard. It was rusted through.
We got out to the lake where he proceded to tell me all about himself. He told me about how he got fired from Mcdonalds for getting into a fight and got fired from a couple of other places in town, and wasn't sure how long he would be working at the place he currently worked at. He was telling me these stories while he was trying to be touchy-feely, and I don't think he could figure out why I wasn't totally into him. Really, I'm not sure what my problem was because every girl is looking for a guy who can't hold a job at Mcdonalds right?
On the way back into town he asked me if I wanted to get something to eat. I told him that would be ok as long as we went somewhere where it would be ok that I was in lake clothes. He said that he had to stop by his place first. I didn't have much of a choice.
He lit up his Swisher Sweet and took another couple puffs, then put it out to save it for later.
He lived with his dad and brother in a trailer just outside of town. Of course it was a trailer. We got to his place and it was awful. We walked in, he asked his brother where his dad was and the response was (not even joking) "he's on the pot, we had chinese food for dinner so it could be awhile". Did he not realize that I was standing there? Funny thing is my date didn't even bat an eye. He told me I could wait in his room. I wish I had just stayed in the car. He had a futon mattress, no sheets, and a table made out of plywood and milk crates. He also didn't have anything hanging in his closet. Just on the floor. We were only there for about 20 minutes but it was much too long for my tastes.
On our way back into town he lit up his Swisher Sweet, took a couple puffs then put it would to save it for later.
We were trying to decide where we should go eat and ended up at Mcdonalds. I will admit that it was not his fault we ended up at Mcdonalds. I was still in my clothes from the lake so it was actually my suggestion. We walked in and while we were standing in line waiting to order he looks at me and says:
"You have money right? If you don't we could get the two cheeseburger meal then you could have a cheeseburger and I could have a cheeseburger and we could split the fries."
He certainly knew how to win me over.
After we left Mcdonalds he wanted to watch a movie. I wasn't sure how to get rid of him nicely (at this point I still thought he was a friend of a friend and didn't want to make anyone mad) so I agreed to let him come over to the apartment to watch a movie. It was the longest movie of my life.
We didn't go out again after that. I actually never saw him again. I found out shortly after that that he wasn't a friend of a friend but instead just some random townie that showed up at the party that night. He was the guy that no one really liked but he always just seemed to be there. No one warned me.
My friends ran into him one night at a party a few months later and he asked them about me. I was actually in New Mexico that weekend so my friends just told him I had moved there. His response?
"Oh, well I hope it wasn't because of me."
I was going to school in Oklahoma, and met this guy at a party. He seemed like an ok guy and I figured since he had been invited to the party that he couldn't be too bad. I figured if he was actually crazy my friends wouldn't have invited him. We chatted at the party and as we were leaving he asked for my number and said he wanted to take me out sometime.
He called a few days later to ask if he could take me out. Of course by this time I had discussed all the pros and cons of this guy and decided that I really wasn't interested. You know what they say about following your instincts? It's true. However, I have a friend who was convinced that I didn't give people enough of a chance and that I needed to get out more. She talked me into going on a date with this guy. For the life of me I can't remember his name, but he definetely left an impression on me.
He wanted to take me to the lake and I agreed. He came to pick me up in his truck. A big nasty green truck. I should have known to just stayed home when he said that he used to have a woman but he had to dump her because she didn't like his truck and no woman was going to come between him and his truck.
On our way out to the lake he decided to smoke a Swisher Sweet, he took a few puffs off his cigar, and then put it out to save it for later. I should have told him to turn around right then, anyone who is going to save a Swisher Sweet is not a quality catch, that and the fact that his truck that he was in love with had holes in the floorboard. It was rusted through.
We got out to the lake where he proceded to tell me all about himself. He told me about how he got fired from Mcdonalds for getting into a fight and got fired from a couple of other places in town, and wasn't sure how long he would be working at the place he currently worked at. He was telling me these stories while he was trying to be touchy-feely, and I don't think he could figure out why I wasn't totally into him. Really, I'm not sure what my problem was because every girl is looking for a guy who can't hold a job at Mcdonalds right?
On the way back into town he asked me if I wanted to get something to eat. I told him that would be ok as long as we went somewhere where it would be ok that I was in lake clothes. He said that he had to stop by his place first. I didn't have much of a choice.
He lit up his Swisher Sweet and took another couple puffs, then put it out to save it for later.
He lived with his dad and brother in a trailer just outside of town. Of course it was a trailer. We got to his place and it was awful. We walked in, he asked his brother where his dad was and the response was (not even joking) "he's on the pot, we had chinese food for dinner so it could be awhile". Did he not realize that I was standing there? Funny thing is my date didn't even bat an eye. He told me I could wait in his room. I wish I had just stayed in the car. He had a futon mattress, no sheets, and a table made out of plywood and milk crates. He also didn't have anything hanging in his closet. Just on the floor. We were only there for about 20 minutes but it was much too long for my tastes.
On our way back into town he lit up his Swisher Sweet, took a couple puffs then put it would to save it for later.
We were trying to decide where we should go eat and ended up at Mcdonalds. I will admit that it was not his fault we ended up at Mcdonalds. I was still in my clothes from the lake so it was actually my suggestion. We walked in and while we were standing in line waiting to order he looks at me and says:
"You have money right? If you don't we could get the two cheeseburger meal then you could have a cheeseburger and I could have a cheeseburger and we could split the fries."
He certainly knew how to win me over.
After we left Mcdonalds he wanted to watch a movie. I wasn't sure how to get rid of him nicely (at this point I still thought he was a friend of a friend and didn't want to make anyone mad) so I agreed to let him come over to the apartment to watch a movie. It was the longest movie of my life.
We didn't go out again after that. I actually never saw him again. I found out shortly after that that he wasn't a friend of a friend but instead just some random townie that showed up at the party that night. He was the guy that no one really liked but he always just seemed to be there. No one warned me.
My friends ran into him one night at a party a few months later and he asked them about me. I was actually in New Mexico that weekend so my friends just told him I had moved there. His response?
"Oh, well I hope it wasn't because of me."
Monday, January 18, 2010
bachelorette parties...
Saturday night I went to a bachelorette party, and I have to admit that I wasn't looking forward to going. Now don't get me wrong I love a good party, and this had all the makings of a great party. A party bus, jello shots, a cooler full of beer, dance music and about twenty girls ready to make sure their friend had a great "last night out", but I just wasn't excited.
Let's talk about bachelorette parties for a minute, I'm wondering are we celebrating that the girl is getting married or are we mourning the fact that she'll no longer be a single (as in unmarried) friend? Or do we just use an upcoming wedding as an excuse to throw a big party, get drunk, act stupid, and try to get guys to buy Blow Pops with condoms glued on them? Personally, I just think it's an excuse to have a party, besides it's what you're supposed to do.
Anyway, I was not looking forward to this party but I had agreed to go and knew that I would probably disappoint if I didn't show. I had planned on showing up and just making an appearance and had no intention of actually riding the party bus. It always starts with the best of intentions doesn't it?
I was late getting to the party so I missed the pick-up and just met the party at the first bar, the plan was to have a drink and then go home, making it a fairly early night. I ended up on the party bus and out til after 2am.
I realized a few things over the course of the evening:
1. The bouncers at Nutty's are slightly creepy...when exiting the conversation went something like this
Him: You guys have a good night...(looking at me) damn girl you have
some seductive eyes
Me: Ummm, thanks. It's just a lot of make-up
Him: No it's not the makeup...damn.
(as I'm walking away)
Him: Hey come back here...will you rub my ears?
2. Anytime I am around a stripper pole I end up with some kind of injury. At Heather's bachelorette party I sprained my ankle, and this time I ended up with a stiletto in my side and now I have a massive bruise to commemorate that evening.
3. I hate Bucks with a passion, and over the years the crowd that hangs out there has gotten worse and worse.
4. Sometimes I flirt with guys just for an ego boost and I don't see anything wrong with it.
5. I need to learn how to give out a fake number, or just say no. Otherwise I end up with texts until 3am and all the next day telling me how "grate" it was to meet me and wanting to know when I want to hang out again.
Despite my initial reservations I ended up having a great time. My only regret is the fact that I chose to wear a fantastic pair of hot pink heels that are not made for dancing. I suppose what they say is true "beauty is pain", and my shoes were beautiful.
Let's talk about bachelorette parties for a minute, I'm wondering are we celebrating that the girl is getting married or are we mourning the fact that she'll no longer be a single (as in unmarried) friend? Or do we just use an upcoming wedding as an excuse to throw a big party, get drunk, act stupid, and try to get guys to buy Blow Pops with condoms glued on them? Personally, I just think it's an excuse to have a party, besides it's what you're supposed to do.
Anyway, I was not looking forward to this party but I had agreed to go and knew that I would probably disappoint if I didn't show. I had planned on showing up and just making an appearance and had no intention of actually riding the party bus. It always starts with the best of intentions doesn't it?
I was late getting to the party so I missed the pick-up and just met the party at the first bar, the plan was to have a drink and then go home, making it a fairly early night. I ended up on the party bus and out til after 2am.
I realized a few things over the course of the evening:
1. The bouncers at Nutty's are slightly creepy...when exiting the conversation went something like this
Him: You guys have a good night...(looking at me) damn girl you have
some seductive eyes
Me: Ummm, thanks. It's just a lot of make-up
Him: No it's not the makeup...damn.
(as I'm walking away)
Him: Hey come back here...will you rub my ears?
2. Anytime I am around a stripper pole I end up with some kind of injury. At Heather's bachelorette party I sprained my ankle, and this time I ended up with a stiletto in my side and now I have a massive bruise to commemorate that evening.
3. I hate Bucks with a passion, and over the years the crowd that hangs out there has gotten worse and worse.
4. Sometimes I flirt with guys just for an ego boost and I don't see anything wrong with it.
5. I need to learn how to give out a fake number, or just say no. Otherwise I end up with texts until 3am and all the next day telling me how "grate" it was to meet me and wanting to know when I want to hang out again.
Despite my initial reservations I ended up having a great time. My only regret is the fact that I chose to wear a fantastic pair of hot pink heels that are not made for dancing. I suppose what they say is true "beauty is pain", and my shoes were beautiful.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
rejection
I think I forget how fragile my ego can be sometimes. I like to think that I'm a fairly emotionally stable person and for the most part I am, except when it comes to my dating life.
I went out with a guy last night and it wasn't a bad date. We talked for a bit, the normal "what kind of movies do you like, what kind of music...etc." Not a bad conversation by any means, but it certainly wasn't the best conversation I've ever had. We had very little in common and he reminded me a lot of the guys I hated in high school. In fact his best friends were guys that I graduated with. So why was I upset when he told me how exhausted he was at 8:30?
I felt rejected. I don't like being rejected, especially after that initial meeting. They should be happy that they're getting to spend time with me, not looking for the closest exit.
I realize that not everyone I meet is going to be completely enamored by my charming personality, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
And just for the record he didn't even offer to buy me a drink.
I went out with a guy last night and it wasn't a bad date. We talked for a bit, the normal "what kind of movies do you like, what kind of music...etc." Not a bad conversation by any means, but it certainly wasn't the best conversation I've ever had. We had very little in common and he reminded me a lot of the guys I hated in high school. In fact his best friends were guys that I graduated with. So why was I upset when he told me how exhausted he was at 8:30?
I felt rejected. I don't like being rejected, especially after that initial meeting. They should be happy that they're getting to spend time with me, not looking for the closest exit.
I realize that not everyone I meet is going to be completely enamored by my charming personality, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
And just for the record he didn't even offer to buy me a drink.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
"oh really, yeah me too"
I had a date last night. For once I wish I could say I had a date last night and not follow it with some story as to how horrific it was. But alas, that is not the case. It was awful. I knew it wasn't going to be great as soon as I met him at the restaurant, he had a lazy eye and bad teeth. My first thought was "seriously? How am I going to get through this dinner?", yes it's shallow but there has to be some level of attraction. I realize that perhaps I'm not in the position to be extremely picky, but I draw the line at lazy eyes. A girl has to have some kind of standards.
I really was determined to make the best of it, I had emailed back and forth with this guy for awhile so he couldn't be all bad. Right?
We started chatting and it was a conversation that could be compared to pulling teeth. However, I do believe that next time I'll opt for the teeth. Everything that I said he immediately wanted to agree with. He was trying to so hard to let me know how compatible we were and how great we were going to get along. I suppose I should give him credit for trying, I definitely have met guys who just don't care. It just reeked of desperation.
Aside from the desperation that was seeping out of his pores he had to be one of the worst storytellers that I've ever met. Each story started out with "you're gonna love this" and took at least twenty minutes to tell because of the long pauses as he was trying to remember what happened. I sat there wondering if maybe he had some kind of neurological disorder that caused the synapses in his brain to not connect quite right. Needless to say I did not love any of his stories.
He just kept talking, and talking, and talking. I told him a couple of times that I really needed to get going implying that he should pay the bill so we could go...nope didn't take that hint. He was too busy telling me how blunt and sarcastic he was. Really? Maybe it was all sarcasm when he was telling me that we had everything in common.
At one point he was talking about an ex-girlfriend and I can't tell you what the story was about because I got so distracted thinking about what kind of girl would actually date this guy. I was wondering how she got past the bad teeth and lazy eye, was she just much less shallow than me? Was she one that really believes that looks don't matter, and that it's what's on the inside that counts? Did she really think that he actually had a personality? Or was she just that desperate?
I finally escaped, and before I left the parking lot I had a text message from him telling me that he doesn't normally get caught up in conversation so much but it was just really nice to have someone worthwhile to talk to. That was nice of him, but I have to admit that I did not find myself caught up in the conversation.
Of course he wants to see me again. That is how my life works.
Did I mention he has a cat named "Buttons". Really? Buttons?
I really was determined to make the best of it, I had emailed back and forth with this guy for awhile so he couldn't be all bad. Right?
We started chatting and it was a conversation that could be compared to pulling teeth. However, I do believe that next time I'll opt for the teeth. Everything that I said he immediately wanted to agree with. He was trying to so hard to let me know how compatible we were and how great we were going to get along. I suppose I should give him credit for trying, I definitely have met guys who just don't care. It just reeked of desperation.
Aside from the desperation that was seeping out of his pores he had to be one of the worst storytellers that I've ever met. Each story started out with "you're gonna love this" and took at least twenty minutes to tell because of the long pauses as he was trying to remember what happened. I sat there wondering if maybe he had some kind of neurological disorder that caused the synapses in his brain to not connect quite right. Needless to say I did not love any of his stories.
He just kept talking, and talking, and talking. I told him a couple of times that I really needed to get going implying that he should pay the bill so we could go...nope didn't take that hint. He was too busy telling me how blunt and sarcastic he was. Really? Maybe it was all sarcasm when he was telling me that we had everything in common.
At one point he was talking about an ex-girlfriend and I can't tell you what the story was about because I got so distracted thinking about what kind of girl would actually date this guy. I was wondering how she got past the bad teeth and lazy eye, was she just much less shallow than me? Was she one that really believes that looks don't matter, and that it's what's on the inside that counts? Did she really think that he actually had a personality? Or was she just that desperate?
I finally escaped, and before I left the parking lot I had a text message from him telling me that he doesn't normally get caught up in conversation so much but it was just really nice to have someone worthwhile to talk to. That was nice of him, but I have to admit that I did not find myself caught up in the conversation.
Of course he wants to see me again. That is how my life works.
Did I mention he has a cat named "Buttons". Really? Buttons?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
"you're kind of a bitch...can I take you to Minervas?'
2010 has started off with a bang. Seriously, I don't know what has happened. I feel like I've gone a little nuts, but everyone I meet has far exceeded my nuttiness. I also feel like there is something in the water that has made me more attractive to the opposite sex.
I got into a "fight" with a guy the other night because he was trying to impress me with his cattle knowledge. I suppose he didn't count on my being from Oklahoma with a grandfather who actually breeds cattle. He quit talking to me soon after that. I think it was a combination of the cattle and the fact that he couldn't remember if he told me that his brother was a up and coming basketball player or if he was playing baseball now. Why I care what his brother does I'm not really sure.
Ordering a drink the other night Ashley and I were asked to play a game of pool buy what seemed to be a fairly normal older guy. We agreed and it wasn't a bad experience just a little weird.
Him: So do you have any kids?
Me: No, I think kids are creepy.
Him: (now offended) Well I have two beautiful kids (come to find out later, it's not 2 kids it's 4 kids and it sounded like they all had different mothers...classy)
Me: Well it's nice that you have them.
Him: I thought you were hot but now I'm going to have to rethink that.
Then after I didn't give him a hug or applaud when he made the shot he attempted he looks and me and tells me that I'm not friendly. In fact he thinks I'm kind of a bitch. Ten minutes later he's asking me if he can take me to dinner. I'm a bitch but he wants to take me to Minervas.
Shortly after this he decided he was finished with me and was doing his best to get Ashley to sleep with him. (She didn't)
I got into a "fight" with a guy the other night because he was trying to impress me with his cattle knowledge. I suppose he didn't count on my being from Oklahoma with a grandfather who actually breeds cattle. He quit talking to me soon after that. I think it was a combination of the cattle and the fact that he couldn't remember if he told me that his brother was a up and coming basketball player or if he was playing baseball now. Why I care what his brother does I'm not really sure.
Ordering a drink the other night Ashley and I were asked to play a game of pool buy what seemed to be a fairly normal older guy. We agreed and it wasn't a bad experience just a little weird.
Him: So do you have any kids?
Me: No, I think kids are creepy.
Him: (now offended) Well I have two beautiful kids (come to find out later, it's not 2 kids it's 4 kids and it sounded like they all had different mothers...classy)
Me: Well it's nice that you have them.
Him: I thought you were hot but now I'm going to have to rethink that.
Then after I didn't give him a hug or applaud when he made the shot he attempted he looks and me and tells me that I'm not friendly. In fact he thinks I'm kind of a bitch. Ten minutes later he's asking me if he can take me to dinner. I'm a bitch but he wants to take me to Minervas.
Shortly after this he decided he was finished with me and was doing his best to get Ashley to sleep with him. (She didn't)
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
The Beacon...
I attract weird and damaged people as made evident by last night's happenings. All I wanted to do was have a couple of drinks and some conversation. What I ended up doing is trying to ward of the advances of a creepy guy with a pregnant fiance.
Army and Texan were the guys that decided to grace us with their presence last night and made crazy a perfectly good evening. Army came over to the table and asked to join us and because I didn't want to be mean I agreed. Texan followed shortly thereafter and made sure to let us know that he had a woman. I should have seen two red flags immediately, 1. he was from Texas, 2. he referred to his girlfriend as his "woman". I suppose I just wasnt too quick on the uptake last night.
Then the third red flag went up...Lawyer walked in and he just so happened to be Texan's lawyer. Part of me wanted to break into "It's a Small World". He didn't get into what kind of trouble he had gotten into but it sounded like it was some kind of fight in a casino. Big huge red flag, and I just ignored it.
As the night progressed Texan's relationship with his girlfriend went from great and happy to a loveless relationship where he is being cheated on. He pulled me aside because he just needed someone to talk to, why me? He told me how alone he was and how horrible his relationship was, and how attracted he was to me. He told me I was so sexy, and different from other girls...blah, blah, blah. Why is it the guys you want to say those things never do?
Towards the end of the night we were getting ready to leave, Texan begged us to hang out with him. I told him we were going to Wal-Mart and pretty sure Army and Texan followed us there. Creepy.
It was creepy in that "I'm going to kill you kind of way". He kept following us and begging us to come to their place, I'm ashamed to say that we did, but I was kind of afraid not to. There I had to ward off advances from Texan, and deal with the zoo that Army lives in. Not exciting. Texan told me I smelled like an angel, and Army called us whores, and asked if we had a sewing machine because he was ripped. What is the world coming to?
If this is any indication as to how my year is going to be I'm staying inside until 2011.
Army and Texan were the guys that decided to grace us with their presence last night and made crazy a perfectly good evening. Army came over to the table and asked to join us and because I didn't want to be mean I agreed. Texan followed shortly thereafter and made sure to let us know that he had a woman. I should have seen two red flags immediately, 1. he was from Texas, 2. he referred to his girlfriend as his "woman". I suppose I just wasnt too quick on the uptake last night.
Then the third red flag went up...Lawyer walked in and he just so happened to be Texan's lawyer. Part of me wanted to break into "It's a Small World". He didn't get into what kind of trouble he had gotten into but it sounded like it was some kind of fight in a casino. Big huge red flag, and I just ignored it.
As the night progressed Texan's relationship with his girlfriend went from great and happy to a loveless relationship where he is being cheated on. He pulled me aside because he just needed someone to talk to, why me? He told me how alone he was and how horrible his relationship was, and how attracted he was to me. He told me I was so sexy, and different from other girls...blah, blah, blah. Why is it the guys you want to say those things never do?
Towards the end of the night we were getting ready to leave, Texan begged us to hang out with him. I told him we were going to Wal-Mart and pretty sure Army and Texan followed us there. Creepy.
It was creepy in that "I'm going to kill you kind of way". He kept following us and begging us to come to their place, I'm ashamed to say that we did, but I was kind of afraid not to. There I had to ward off advances from Texan, and deal with the zoo that Army lives in. Not exciting. Texan told me I smelled like an angel, and Army called us whores, and asked if we had a sewing machine because he was ripped. What is the world coming to?
If this is any indication as to how my year is going to be I'm staying inside until 2011.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...
As I watched this movie the other day I started thinking about all the people that I desperately want to erase from my life. Then to be fair I tried to shorten my list...saved those spots for the ones that were truly awful and really messed me up. Kind of like Rob's top 5 all time worst break-ups from High Fidelity...because after everything is said and done it's the ex-boyfriends, or almost boyfriends that seem to cause the most damage to a girl. I was actually able to narrow my list down to two. Yup, 27 years old and there are really only two that have really messed me up.
There are two people that I want to erase from my life, and actually I could narrow that list down to one. I wonder if it's really true that everything happens for a reason and everyone comes through your life for a reason, sometimes I really doubt it. I can think of no value that this person added to my life. All I can think of are the wounds that he left.
He damaged me more than any other person or event in my life and left wounds that I don't know how to deal with. Now granted they aren't the large gaping wounds that they once were, but they still ache. It's like the bad knee that aches when the weather is changing. It's no longer a sharp pain, but it's the dull ache that never goes away completely.
How amazing would it be to erase that whole experience? I wonder what kind of person I would be without it? I think I would be happier, less bitter, more trusting, I would be able to depend on people. As it is, I'm bitter, cynical, and I don't trust most of the people around me. He was someone who was supposed to care about me. It makes a person wonder if anyone is really who they say they are.
I started this blog in 2004 right after I had met this person and continued writing until shortly after everything ended. I don't think I realized at that point the affect those events would have on my life in years to come.
So I do believe with that being said that I would allow him and everything related to him be erased from my life. I wish my life were a movie. Besides, Kate Winslet is better looking than me.
There are two people that I want to erase from my life, and actually I could narrow that list down to one. I wonder if it's really true that everything happens for a reason and everyone comes through your life for a reason, sometimes I really doubt it. I can think of no value that this person added to my life. All I can think of are the wounds that he left.
He damaged me more than any other person or event in my life and left wounds that I don't know how to deal with. Now granted they aren't the large gaping wounds that they once were, but they still ache. It's like the bad knee that aches when the weather is changing. It's no longer a sharp pain, but it's the dull ache that never goes away completely.
How amazing would it be to erase that whole experience? I wonder what kind of person I would be without it? I think I would be happier, less bitter, more trusting, I would be able to depend on people. As it is, I'm bitter, cynical, and I don't trust most of the people around me. He was someone who was supposed to care about me. It makes a person wonder if anyone is really who they say they are.
I started this blog in 2004 right after I had met this person and continued writing until shortly after everything ended. I don't think I realized at that point the affect those events would have on my life in years to come.
So I do believe with that being said that I would allow him and everything related to him be erased from my life. I wish my life were a movie. Besides, Kate Winslet is better looking than me.
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